Trinity Blood Jeopardy
by Mari Kazara
Summary: Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy with Trinity Blood
1. Chapter 1

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy**

Mari: Welcome back to Trinity Blood Jeopardy. I am Mari Kazara and I am filling in for Alex who couldn't make it tonight. It seems he has some very enthusiastic vampire fans and luckily we found him before it was too late. But he will be in the hospital for some time.

That having been said let's take a look at the scores.

Able Nightroad is in first with -30,000 dinars…….

Able: (to self) Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar……..

Mari: …..who appears to have turned into a hyperactive six year old.

Second place with -35,000 dinars is Queen Esther…...

Esther: I can't believe I made it to the finials. I have worked so hard for this.

Mari: ….who thinks she is on a reality television talent show.

In last place with -40,000 dinars, the only contestant to try to rig the contest while on stage with the camera rolling, Radu Barvon.

Radu: Everyone's against me because I am a member of the Rozencruez Orden. That's why I am in last place!

Mari: No, it's because you when you buzzed in you tried to bribe me for the answers and when that failed you tried to bribe various electronic devises around the stage.

Radu: Can I have a drink of water?

Mari: No, you may not.

(She ignores him)

Better luck to the rest of you.

It's time for double Jeopardy lets take a look at the board

The categories are "Potent Popes", "Things That Are Sweet", "Royalty in This Room", "Things That Go Boom"," Famous Cruzniks", and" Nun The Wiser".

Radu since your in third place you go first.

Radu: I'll take "Poetry" for 500.

Mari: That's not a category.

Radu: Is the question "What is a metaphor?"

Mari: We are NOT DOING POETRY!

Radu: But we didn't do it last time, we should do it this time.

Mari: It doesn't work that way.

Radu: Why not?

(She ignores him again)

Mari: Abel, why you don't pick next.

Abel: I'll pick "Things that are sweet" for 200.

Mari: The category is "I am a candy that looks like cotton."

Abel: um…..What is sugar?

Mari: That has been you answer for every question.

Abel: So….. I am right this time.

Mari: No.

Abel: (bursts into tears) I fallen into debt I can not repay, I have failed everyone.

Mari: You don't have to pay us the money, Abel.

Abel: I will never let anyone else pay for my mistakes.

Mari: It's just a game! It tells us who is winning and who is losing.

Abel: Oh….okay.

Mari: Esther it you turn, but since you're not even looking at the board, I'll choose for you.

"Royalty in this Room" for 400.

The category is "I am a female ruler."

Esther: ( She buzzes in and start singing)  
_You made me laugh, you made me cry, I don't know which side to buy  
Your friends, they're jerks when you act like them, just know it hurts  
I wanna be with the one I know  
And the seventh thing I hate the most that you do  
You make me love you_

Mari: For the last time the buzzer is not a microphone.

(Abel buzzes in)

Mari: Yes, Abel.

Abel: I have to go to the bathroom.

Mari: You should have gone during the break.

Abel: I didn't have to go then.

Mari: Well, you have to hold it.

Mari: That's the buzzer and the answer was a "What is a Queen."

Radu: I was a queen once.

Mari: No you weren't and it your turn again.

Radu: I take "Francesco's Hickies" for 300.

Mari: That's Famous Crusnicks!

Radu: Good, because the answer would always be none…… unless he gave himself one (snicker, snicker)

Mari: Yeah, okay. The category is, "I am a Crusnicks and the only male besides Radu on this stage."

(Long pause)

Radu: Mari is there something you need to tell us about yourself.

Mari: Abel! It's Abel, you moron.

Radu: Oh, yeah I forgot about him.

Abel: Oh, boy it's my turn. I'll take "Nun the Wiser."

Mari: Anything to get this over with.

"This is what Esther was before she was queen."

(Abel and Radu look at Esther suspiciously)

Radu: Esther is their something _you _need to tell us about?

Abel: I can't believe the rumors are true.

Esther: I've been framed. Those pictures were totally doctored. There just trying to throw me out of the competition.

Mari: She was a nun! A nun you idiots!

Radu: Oh yeah, huh.

Abel: Oh well, then I guess that's okay.

Esther: I still want that picture of me as a road kill bunny taken off the internet.

Radu: Did you see the one with Leon in a bikini.

Abel: (snickers) maybe that one wasn't doctored.

Mari: And it's time for Final Jeopardy

The Final Jeopardy category is "what are you wearing."

Just write down what you're wearing, right now.

(music starts)

You can put clothes, shirt, pants, shoes, anything.

Mari: Let's get this over with.

Radu……. has set his podium on fire.

Radu: It seemed to be the right thing to do.

Mari: Moving on let see what Esther has put down.

Mari: It appears that Esther has signed her autograph to the screen.

Esther: It will be worth a lot of money some day.

Mari: And she has wagered…..a forgery of several other famous people.

Esther: Oh, common. It not like anyone actually checks those things.

Mari: And finally let see what Abel wrote.

Apparently he wrote "I'm sorry" 56 times.

And he wagered "his immortal soul."

Abel: I'm doom for all time.

Mari: That's it for Trinity Blood Jeopardy. I am going home and slam my head in a door.

_I always thought the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy was hilarious and wanted to do it with Trinity Blood._

_However SNL skits rely a lot on visual comedy and I not sure if I pulled it off._

_I'll have to see by your reviews._


	2. Chapter 2

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy 2**

Mari: Welcome back to Trinity Blood Jeopardy. I am Mari Kazara and I am filling in for Alex. He is recovering nicely in the hospital and it's my opinion that he has been faking this whole thing to avoid doing these shows.

Though this pains me, let's take a look at each contestant's score board.

Mari: In first place, with zero points, is Alessandro XVIII. He is the first contestant who not only hasn't answered a single question, but screams and hides under the podium every time the buzzer goes off.

But he has agreed not to do that any more.

Alessandro: Can you please uncuff my hand from the microphone?

Mari: No.

Mari: Our second guest is Tres Iqus who score is – 15,000 dinars and probably would be more in the hole if security didn't have to come and disarm him every twenty minutes.

Tres: The answer board looked most untrustworthy.

Mari: And our final contestant with- 25,000 dinars, who instead of giving us answers, buzzes in to give grooming and beauty tips, Isaak Fernand von Kämpfer.

Isaak: All I have to say is if I had hair like yours, I would stick a gun to my head and shoot myself.

Mari: With that wonderful complement, let's take a look at the board.

The first category is unknow because Tres blew a hole through the screen.

Tres: It appeared dangerous for all present.

Mari: Let's see how many people have been hurt or injured by our television sets. THAT WOULD BE NONE.

Tres: It is because of protectors like me.

Mari: (sigh) It's time for Double Jeopardy let's look at what's left on the board. "Scary Things," "Famous Robots", "Fangs for Memories" "Three letter Colors", and "Things That Brake Apart"

Mari: Alessandro …..

Alessandro: No, don't call on me, please don't call on me, oh merciful heavens….

Mari: This is not my day.

Tres: Your holiness, did you take your sedative?

Alessandro: Oh, yeah, I forgot I had them. I better take four or five.

Tres: You're Holiness, you shouldn't take more then one, they're very powerful.

Alessandro: You don't understand how upset I am, Tres.

Mari: Leave off, Robocop, maybe it will help.

Isaak, you are in last place so you go first.

Isaak: I'll take "bangs are a mystery" for a hundred.

Mari: That's "Fangs for the Memories. "

Isaak: Is that supposed to be a play on words? Because it pathetic….sort of like, your split ends.

Mari: I don't care what you have to say about my hair.

Isaak: Well, if you're happy being single…..

Mari: (She grabs her podium and shakes with anger. Then takes a few breaths and continues) The category is "I am a snake with a tail that rattles."

Isaak: What is eighties bangs? Because, man, were they awful.

Mari: It has nothing to do with bangs!

Tres :( buzzes in) what is a tail snake?

Mari: Close enough! Tres, it you turn.

Tres: I take um…..I'll um…. (He gets kind of glassy eyed)

Mari: Tres are you okay?

Tres: You know that buzzing thing….it feels... really... well... Can I do it again?

Mari: No!

(Tres does it anyway)

Tres: mmmmm…. I like that.

Mari: Well, it looks like Tres is being turned on by the podium,I guess we'll turn to Alessandro.

Alessandro: Hey, there baby.

Mari: Alessandro?

Alessandro: Now that you got me handcuffed, what are you going to do to me?

Mari: Someone uncuff him quickly.

Alessandro: Good, now I can put both of my arms around you.

Oh, Mari, my love, let me wrap my arms around you.

Mari: That's Isaak you're holding!

Alessandro: I should have known. He has much better hair.

Mari: Alessandro, you obviously O.D.ed on those sedatives so…..

Alessandro: No, no, no, ask me a question.

Mari: From the category "Colors with three letters, is this," I am rosy and reddish."

(Alessandro buzzes in)

Mari: Alessandro?

Alessandro: When Francesco was in high school he couldn't grow facial hair, so he let his abnormally long nose hair grow and disguised it as a mustache.

Don't let him know I told you or he'll kill me.

Mari: Like if you told everyone on national television.

Alessandro: Yes, that would be awful.

Mari: Ummmm, yeah, Isaak, it's your turn.

Isaak: I'll take "famous royal butts" for three hundred.

Mari: THAT'S "FAMOUS ROBOTS" you idiot!

Isaak: Royal butts…..royal butts…hmmm… what was the name of that prince that mooned Queen Esther.

Alessandro: It was me!

Isaak: Don't be ridicules, it couldn't have been you….he had much nicer hair. Besides I think he is working for Rozencruez…if we haven't already killed him.

(Tres buzzes in)

Mari: Yes, Tres, finally someone who will give me a decent answer.

(He keeps buzzing in over and over)

Mari: TRES, KNOCK IT OFF AND ASWER!

Tres: Excuse me but you are interrupting a _very_ interesting conversation.

Mari: Between you and the podium.

Tres: Hey, I don't like way you are talking to her.

Mari: HER??

Tres: She happens to be charm, charismatic, and if I may say so, _very sexy._

Mari: That's it! I'm turning off your buzzer.

Tres: We don't need buzzers, we'll use body language.

Mari: It's official. This is one of those lost episodes of the twilight zones. All I need is the music.

But it is the end of this round so I have to ask you a final question.

The question is" Who are you?"

You can write your name, a human, a person, a man, anything I beg you.

Okay that is the buzzer let's see what our contestants put down.

Tres put nothing as he is making out with the scoreboard.

The less we see of that the better.

Isaak let's see what you have.

Isaak has drawn a picture of himself as a hair deity.

And he wagered nothing as he is planning to become a deity on his good look alone or maybe blood shed.

And Alessandro…..

Alessandro: This show is so boring. You know what you need? A streaker.

Mari: What?? No, Alessandro, don't do it. Alessandro put your clothes backon NOW.

Isaak: It's too late.

(Mari whimpers)

Isaak:Don't worry,the police will stop him before he gets out to the freeway.

Mari: THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ME SO MUCH MONEY TO COME BACK ON THIS SHOW.

-Hey everyone it me. I have been just swamped with work. I am going to try to hide out once a week so I can write these.

Just don't tell anyone you've seen me here okay.

Leave comments please.


	3. Chapter 3

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy**

Mari: Ladies and gentlemen, if there is anything else you can possibly watch besides this, I suggest you do so. Anything; bowling, fishing, turning off the T.V. and watching paint dry, would be better then this.

I am you host, Mari and I am here only because they were able to find some discriminating pictures of me, that I know were doctored! However, I can prove nothing.

I'm filling in for Alex who claims to have witnessed a murder and is now in the witness protection program. This I find highly unlikely.

We have now entered the double jeopardy round and we are forced to look at the score boards.

In first place, with -1,000 dinars because he has spent most of his time trying to burn my staff as heretics, Francesco di Medici.

Francesco: Let me have back my lighter back.

Mari: No!

Francesco: Fine! I know I have some matches here, somewhere.

Mari: Our Second contestant, with -3,000 dinars, is Kate Scott, who is losing because she keeps messing with our T.V.s.

Kate: It's poltergeist I tell you.

Mari: In last place, with -5,000 dinars, Empress Augusta or as she likes to be called Seth Nightroad.

Seth: I don't understand it!

Mari: Well, maybe if you answered a question instead of buzzing in to tell us how great you are.

Seth: Well, if you want to pay this game the boring way.

Mari: If I only had a gun I could put myself out of my misery.

Seth: I got one.

Mari: Good, use it on yourself!

Let's look at the categories: "Potent Popes", "Fruit and Colors with the Same Name"," Three"," Animal Sounds"," hologram", and "Fire".

Francesco: I pick "Fire"!

Mari: It's not your turn.

Francesco: I say it is.

Mari: And that would be important if I cared.

Seth, it's your turn.

Seth: I choose "Three".

Mari: This is another word for three that is also in the title of your anime.

(Seth buzzes in)

Seth: I can hold my breath for three minutes.

Mari: Who cares? Nobody here would know that but you.

Seth: Well, now everyone does. I also liked to tell everyone here that today that I ran a mile in 8 minutes and 20 seconds.

Mari: Look, this is a game show, not show and tell.

(Suddenly they hear the sound of a football game.)

Kate: Yay! Go Vatican U!

Francesco: Look at those nuns run!

Mari: I know that this is a lot to ask, but what do you think you are doing?

Kate: Well, you were busy taking to the Empress….

Seth: Just call me Seth.

Kate: Oh, really? That's nice of you.

Mari: If I'm not interrupting your tea party…..

Francesco: Touch down!

Mari: Turn that T.V. back!

Kate: Oh, okay, fine.

(She switches the T.V. back.)

Mari: Now let see, I lost track…..um… Francesco you turn.

Francesco: I'll take "Fire" for 500.

Mari: I am so surprise.

The answer is "This group sang Disco Inferno"

Francesco: "What is "The Trammps"?

Mari: No it's not the….wait a minute. You got answer right!

(She starts to hyperventilate and the stage hands rush her some oxygen. Finally she starts breathing normally)

Mari: I feeling much better. Okay it's still your turn.

Francesco: I'll take "Fire" for 300.

Mari: When liquid is the temperature at which the

Francesco: "What is the boiling point?"

Mari: (shivering) Right again.

Francesco: And the next four are, "What is third degree burn", "What is a fire walker," What is rum cake," and "What is asbestos."

Mari: I can't believe it! You are out of the hole. You are the smartest contestant we have had. It makes me feel….kinda…. happy.

Francesco: What should I pick next?

Mari: How about animal sounds?

A cow makes this sound.

Francesco: Hmmm (He puts his hands over his mouth and make a farting sound. He and the other two contestants start laughing.)

Mari: Once again, my hopes of a decent show fall asunder at my feet.

Francesco: You want to hear the sound that a pig makes?

Mari: No. Seth it's your turn.

Seth: I pick "Holograms" for 200.

Mari: This Disney attraction still uses holograms for it ride.

Seth: What is the "Pirates of the Caribbean"?

Mari: No, the answer was the Hau…..

Kate: Oh, I love "Pirates of the Caribbean". Those hot guys on that show. Woo-we.

Seth: Yes, but I'm afraid it's just a pipe dream for us.

Kate: Speak for yourself. I have been working on my own personal Jack Sparrow hologram and when he's done…..shiver my timbers.

Mari: Oh, man that just not right.

Kate, just pick a category.

Kate: ummmm….while I'm thinking can we check the game score.

Mari: No! Now you all listen to me and listen good, I want you to stop messing with the T.V. and I don't want to hear anything more about any of you or your warped life got it!

Francesco: When you get mad you nostrils get really big.

Mari: I am making voodoo dolls of all of you when I get home.

Kate: I choose "fruit and colors with the same name".

Mari: All these answers are all the same so this shouldn't be too hard. "I am the color you get when you mix yellow and red."

Francesco: Psst, Kate (he throws her a note.)

Mari: Francesco, why are you passing Kate notes?

Francesco: I'm not passing notes.

Mari: Then what's that in Kate's hand?

Kate: He passed it to me so I shouldn't get in trouble.

Mari: This isn't a high school test, you know.

Francesco: I was only trying to help her.

Mari: I doubt that since the answer you passed her is "fire". Fire is not a color.

Francesco: It is in the Vatican's big box of crayons.

Mari: There is no fruit called "fire".

Francesco: That we know of.

(A buzzer goes off)

Mari: That sound means we are finally done with this round. It feels like I have been up here for weeks.

And now for our final question: "Write your name."

You can write you're first name, you last name, your middle, and we will even take a nickname.

Your time is up let see what you wrote down.

Mari: Francesco you wrote down…..Francesco. You wrote down your name, I can't believe it. Let's see what you wagered. You wrote down "loves fire."

Francesco: I use gasoline as cologne.

Mari: You're a pyromaniac's dream, man.

Let's see what Kate put down.

She wrote Vatican University…….. and she bet a thousand dinars.

Kate: Go team!

Mari: Not only have you lost _this _game but Vatican University lost as well.

Kate: Awww man!

Mari: And last…

Seth: But definitely not least.

Mari: Let's take a look at what Seth wrote.

Join the Seth Fan Club and she wagered………… the phone number you should call to join her club.

Mari: Well, thankfully that's all for tonight. You can now watch this channel again with out resorting to dry heaving.

X As I have said before, this time of year is sooooo busy for me that it hard to take the time to write these. But they are so much fun I can't help it.

If you enjoy these please tell me so and leave a comment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy 4**

Mari: Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to commemorate the third anniversary of tragedy that took place here on this stage.

THREE WEEKS AGO I HAD TO START HOSTING THIS STUIPED SHOW!

I'm filling in for Alex who claims that he is suffering from a rare tropical disease. When I get my hands on him, he _will _be suffering and it won't be from a tropical disease.

Mari: Once again I force to look at the scoreboard, the same scoreboard that haunts me in my dreams.

In first place with zero dinars, the only contestant who had a chance to actually have a decent score, Caterina Sforza.

Why doesn't she have a decent score you might ask? Because the morons I am going to introduce you to, won't let her answer. Instead they buzz in with stupid and worthless answers.

Caterina: I always try to remain calm and cool in face of adversity… but…. these idiots are going to make me lose it!

Mari: One of the idiots she is referring to now is -3000 dinars; her name is synonymous with bimbo, Noélle Bor.

Noélle: Did you just call me a bimbo?

Mari: Oh, wow I didn't think you would get past synonymous.

Noélle: Just because I'm beautiful and men are attracted to me doesn't make me a bimbo.

Mari: Well, I just assumed that since your outfit is so tight that no oxygen could get to your brain.

Noélle: At least I didn't get my cloths on the clearance rack at the Dress Barn.

Mari: That's right you shop at the children's section for your clothes.

Petro: Are we going to talk about me or what?

Mari: Oh, yes let's talk about you. With -10,000 dinars we have Brother Petro Orcini, who so far has buzz in every question, multiple times, only to get _all_ of them wrong.

Petro: The problem is that we have girls as contestants. This games is not for women, this is a man's game.

Mari: It is not!

Petro: All games are man's games.

Mari: Then how come you are losing.

Petro: The mere presents of these women here is question of my masculinity.

Mari: Your idiocy is a definite sign of your masculinity.

Now let's take a look at the question board.

This is the Double Jeopardy round categories are "Potent Popes", Dr. Seuss", "Left Hand," "Your Backyard,"" Three Letter Bugs," and "Photosynthesis."

"Photosynthesis"? What on earth is that doing up there?

Caterina: Hey, some of _us_ are not lacking in intelligence!

Petro: Yeah, the girls are stupiderst.

Mari: (sigh) This channel will do anything for ratings.

Unfortunately since Petro in last place he goes first.

Petro: I'll take "Photo of My Sis in This".

Mari: That's not what it says.

Petro: I got this picture of Paula in her fuzzy pink bunny pajamas. I was so good I had to stick it on the internet.

Noélle: What happen when she found out?

Petro: See this scar?

Caterina: No, photosynthesis is using sunlight as the source of energy and with the aid of chlorophyll and associated pigments.

Mari: You are a goddess. What are you doing here?

Caterina: It has to do with my job.

Petro: If I can't have that category, I'll take "Pot of Poop."

Mari: That is "Potent Popes" and I am not messing with you anymore.

Noélle, it's your turn. Now don't pick something to hard.

Noélle: Ummm….. I pick "Left Hand" for 500.

Mari: Good choice. In this category all the answer are the same as the category.

The answer is "The opposite of you right hand."

Noélle: Easy," What is your wrong hand."

Mari: (sighs) No.

Noélle: That is _so_ the answer. I demand that you recheck.

Mari: You are scary. Thankfully Caterina, it's your turn.

Caterina: I guess I go with "Photo….

Petro: I'm thirsty and it's hot in here. How much longer do we have to stay up here?

Caterina: Stop interrupting me. Besides you're supposed to be such a man.

Noélle: You're a wimp!

Petro: I am not!

Noélle: Are too!

Caterina: Petro is a wimp! Petro is a whimp!

Mari: Caterina!

Caterina: Sorry, I kind of got carried away.

Mari: Well, I hear the sound of the buzzer and that means this is the end of this round.

We now have are final category."This is the color of your hair."

It shouldn't be too hard. All you have to do is taking a piece of your hair and pull it towards you eyes.

Well, it's time to check on you answer.

Caterina, I sure you got the answer.

Hey, what's the matter?

Caterina: There something wrong with the machine, it broke down.

Mari: Of coarse it did. Why should I get a break at having someone do this correct?

Noélle, let's see what you put down.

"For a good time call Noélle" and you wagered …your phone number.

So basically you treated the screen as a public bathroom wall.

Noélle: I had nothing better to do.

And last we have Petro who…..drew a pot of poop. Charming. He wagered a picture of Paula in her pajamas.

Petro: Snort, giggle, giggle, snort.

Mari: Well, that's all for tonight. If you have any sanity left I suggest you write a letter to this station and complain.

Now Petro and Noélle, these nice men will bring you somewhere special.

Caterina: Aren't they security.

Mari: That's right. What say you and I get some tea?

Caterina: Sounds lovely.

X Special thanks to **mycarcrashheart** for the review.


	5. Chapter 5

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy 5**

Mari: You are traveling to another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. You next stop-- Trinity Blood Jeopardy.

My name is Mari and I am filling in for Alex who claims to be the first man to give birth and is in the hospital recovering.

Alex, I better see some major stretch marks.

Mari: Our first contestant, with zero points, who has spent this whole time examine various electronically devices, William Walter Wordsworth.

Hey, where did he go?

William: I down here.

Mari: Where?

William: Under the podium.

Mari: And why, might I ask, are you under there?

William: Man, I could do some awesome things with this stuff.

Mari: You leave it alone!

William: Sorry, I can't _hear_ you.

Mari: I'll get back to you later. Our next contestant also has zero because all he's done is look bored and pout.

Dietrich: What kind of game is it with no blood shed? I mean every great game has blood shed.

Mari: Oh, yeah. I just love watching the Blood Shed Channel.

Dietrich: Is that on cable?

Mari: I was kidding, you psycho freak!

Dietrich: I think I should speak to the directors.

Mari: _Moving on, _our next contestant has -2,000 dinars and has spent every second he can whining, Ion Fortuna.

Ion: I thought I was going on _Are You Smarter Then a Methuselah? _This game is too hard for a kid like me.

Mari: Stop whining, you're like a hundred years old.

Ion: But it's like dog years…….really old dog years.

Mari: I think a dog, even an old one, would have a better score then you.

Ion: Hey!

Mari: Let's take a look at the categories. Returning we have "Potent Popes," "Dr. Seuss." The others are,"Beware of People," "The Alphabet," Disasters through History,""Snack Foods."

Mari: Ion since you in last place, you go first.

Ion: I pick the "Snack Foods", wait, no I mean,"Dr. Seuss," wait, I mean "Di…….

Mari: WILL YOU JUST PICK ONE ALREADY!

Ion: I guess I will pick "Snack Food."

Mari: I am a snack food with two black cookie and frosting in the middle.

(Ion buzzes in)

Ion: My grandma's cookies. She always burns them and then globs frosting on them in the hopes that we won't notice.

Mari: How on earth would we now that!

William: Well, now let's be fair. If you don't know about his cookies, how is he supposed to know about yours?

(Dietrich buzzes in)

Dietrich: Does this question have anything to do with blood being spilt?

Mari: Dietrich, will you stop asking that?

Dietrich: Well, it's my turn any way.

Mari: Oh, yeah, I guess it is, to my great regret.

The answer is "Mount St. Helens is most famous for its catastrophic eruption on this day.

Dietrich: A volcano? I don't want to answer any stupid questions about Volcano. I want to talk about all the disruption and misery I caused.

Mari: This is a game show not a horror movie….wait maybe it is.

Dietrich: I think Cain lied when he said this was a meeting place for those planning to rule the world.

Mari: William it's your turn.

William: All right, I'm ready. I'll pick……."The Alphabet."

Mari: In the alphabet, it comes after "C".

(William buzzer goes off and it ear splitting load)

William: Maybe I need to adjust it.

Mari: You think? Well, what is your answer?

William: What is food?

Mari: Huh?

William: You know "Seafood."

(Mari sighs)

(Suddenly Ion smacks his own face)

Dietrich: Quiet hitting yourself.

(Ion smacks himself again.)

Dietrich: Quiet hitting yourself.

(Smack again)

Dietrich: Quiet hitting……

Mari: KNOCK IT OFF!

Ion: I'll pick Dr. Seuss; I think he's my physician.

Mari: He's not a…..on never mind.

The answer is "Sam was not fond of eating this."

Ion: I have a friend name Sam.

Mari: Well, it's not this Sam!

William: It could be, you can't be sure.

Mari: No, it can't be! He's a factious character!

Ion: That's him! Sam Factious.

Mari: Oh, shut up!

Dietrich, it's your turn.

Dietrich: I'll take "Beware of People."

Mari: A crowd bent on or engaged in lawless violence.

Ion: What is a Feminist?

Mari: No, The answer a mob.

Dietrich: How many people does it take to make a mob?

Mari: I don't know fifteen to twenty people.

Dietrich: We have about that many here, don't we?

Mari: What I need a parrot, a parrot that continual says "shut up."

(The buzzer goes off)

Mari: Well that sound means the end of this round. Now on to the last question.

"Where do you live?"

You can put house, or in the city, or even earth. We will take anything.

Let's take a look at William answer.

Apparently William podium has sprouted limbs and then took of like a rocket through our ceiling.

William: It just a matter of a few adjustments.

Let take a look at what Dietrich wrote.

Dietrich drew a picture of me being attacked by a mob and he wagered…..the sign of the devil.

Well, all I have to say is, the same to you, jerk.

Now let's take a look at Ion

"I live in a state of denial" and he wagered "Esther loves me."

Well, I can't deny that.

Ion: Did I win any money?

Mari: No.

Ion: Ah, man I wanted to buy a Wii.

Dietrich: Forget it kid, you'd kill yourself…….let me buy you one.

William: I can make some great adjustments.

Mari: Well, that's all for tonight, you can crawl out from under your couch. Goodnight everyone, I'm off to the maternity ward.

X Hey if you like it, tell me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Trinity Blood Jeopardy 6**

Mari: No one suspected it but now all men have come to fear it…….. Trinity Blood Jeopardy.

Ladies and gentlemen, please forgive my appearance; I have been consecutively dry heaving for the last fifteen minutes.

Alex isn't with us because claimed he has inherited super powers and must go save the world. I let this pass because the idea of him in tights makes me want to dry heave again.

Like a deer looking into a head light, I am force to look at the scoreboard.

In first place with zero points, because he has spent the first half of the show sharpening his sword, Hugue de Watteau.

Hugue: Well, I think I finally ready, let's start killing vampires.

Mari: We are not killing anyone on this show! What's with you people?

Hugue: Isn't this Trinity Blood Gladiator?

Mari: Of course, it isn't. What do you think I have been doing up here?

Hugue: We'll I must admit, I have been wondering.

Asta: Hey, we happen to be Methuselahs, remember!

Virgil: If you kill us, there wouldn't be enough players for the show and it couldn't go on.

Mari: Couldn't go on…….that would be nice….but the blood would stain the carpet, so Hugue shut up.

In second place, with -1,000 dinars, who has spent most of her time taking about why women are so much better then men, Astharoshe Asran.

Asta: Did a man think of this show?

Mari: Probably.

Asta: No wonder it so worthless.

Mari: I think the quality of the show depends on the intelligence of its contestants!

Asta: Well, if you had all women on this show….

Mari: Moving on to Virgil Walsh, who with -1800 dinars who claim he scores reflects the biasness and cruelty of the host. Virgil that is ridicules.

Virgil: My name is Big V, what's up?

Mari: I don't care if you grew up in the ghetto. You're white and pasty, with blond hair and blue eyes ,that clearly state that you couldn't go by any other name but Virgil…….Besides I couldn't call you that keep a straight face.

Virgil: Awww, man.

Mari: Let's take a look at the score board. As always we have, "Potent Popes,", the others are""Plants," It Grows On Your Head""Fluffy Animals," " Fun in the Sun," and " Candy."

Virgil you're last so you go next.

Virgil: I'll take "Candy" for 200.

Mari: These are chewy chocolate flavored candies that have been manufactured in the United States for more than 100 years.

Virgil: Wait a second. (He rubs his tongue along the back of his fangs) It's not gummy bears, or _Skittles, _or _Snickers _or…..

Mari: What are you doing?

Virgil: I'm checking the back of my fangs. Candy can get stuck up there for months.

Mari: Ewe, don't you brush your teeth.

Virgil: Fangs are very hard to reach and you never know when you'll get hungry.

Mari: Not even thinking about that, I'm moving on.

Asta it is you turn.

Asta: I suppose I will pick "Plants" for 300.

Mari: Rosa multiflora is the scientific name for this flower.

Asta: Was this invented by women?

Mari: Flowers aren't invented.

Asta: That's what is wrong with them. If the were invented by a woman, they would be would be perfect. Of course, men would take all the credit.

Virgil: She keeps talking and talking.

Hugue: Yeah, I wonder what it is she is saying.

Mari: Um…yeah. Hugue it's your turn.

Hugue: "I'll take Fun in the Sun" for 200.

Mari: This place has sand and water.

Hugue: What is taking a vampire out in broiling noontime and watching them fry to and unrecognizable crisp? Wahahahah.

Mari: That has nothing to do with the question.

Hugue: Well, it my idea of fun in the sun.

Asta: How much would it cost to recarpet this place if I stained it?

Mari: It's not an option, we have rating to conceder. Besides _someone_ might be watching this show.

Virgil it's your turn.

Virgil: You want to hear my rap?

Mari: No, but your going to do it anyway.

_Listen brothers and sister to my plight_

_We are thrust below into the faceless night_

_Circumvented and denied_

_Of our rights and pride_

_Advocate our choice_

_Yo, yo, yo, boyz_

Mari: (sarcastically) That outta cause a lot of teenage riots.

Hugue: If I kill him now it will save you a lot of grief

Mari: It tempting but no…… Virgil you rap scared me so I just going to pass you up and go to Asta.

Asta: I pick "Fuzzy Animal' for 400.

Mari: This fuzzy animal has white fur and long ears.

Asta: This category was placed here because I am a woman.

Mari: But it is you who choose to link yourself with this said "degrading question" which we have not decided is degrading and at the worst I place it as merely "whimsical".

Asta: Um…..

Mari: And can we deny that the animal's fur is not loose, light, fibrous, or fluffy. Is it not true that males can also receive this concept as a truth?

Asta: I guess so, I …..um…huh?

Mari: Moving onto Hugue.

Hugue: I choose "It Grows on Your Head" for 500.

Mari: It's rooted in your scalp and it grows.

Hugue: Well, let take a look.

(He put his head on his scalp)

Hugue: Looks like we got some nice mold, a little bit of moss…… is that a mushroom?

Mari: Ewww gross. I can't stand this anymore, it the end of this round.

The last question is "what do you breath with?"

We will take anything nose, your mouth, nostril's, oral cavity…..wait that much too hard. Any way anything you breathe with right now.

That's the buzzer so I am forced to look at the answers.

Let see what Hugue put down. What is that?

Let see what he wagered.

Oh, I see your playing hangman…….. with yourself……wow.

Um…I think the word is post mortem.

Hugue: Thanks that was close. I almost got hung.

Mari: I can only wish.

Let's take a look at Asta……who is burning her bra. That ought to make our rating go up. Aren't you uncomfortable?

Asta: Actually it's not mine.

Mari: Ahhhh, how did you do that? Give it back right now.

Asta: It kind of a cinder.

Mari: I hate you!

Virgil what did you put!

You spelled out freedom with the candy you picked out from behind your fangs.

No comment.

Ladies and Gentleman this is the end of our show. I'm go home to have a cry…a good long cry.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

I was such a feminist faze through the first part of high school, always tell guys off and getting mad at there macho stupid attitude.

They got me back by always opening doors for me and standing up when I entered the room and getting my chair for me. It made me sooooooooooo mad.


	7. Chapter 7

Trinity Blood Jeopardy 7

Mari: Hello ladies and gentlemen, I have come to end your suffering and pain……THIS IS THE LAST TRINITY BLOOD JEOPARDY!

I am filling in for Alex, who will be appearing next week. My bounty hunters have finally tracked him down and though it cost a lot of money, it was totally worth it.

Unfortunately I still have to finish this show, but my suffering is lessen with the hope of waking up tomorrow and still wanting to live.

Though it makes my eyes burn, I must look at the scoreboard.

In first place with zero points, because she has spent the first half of the show letting out war cries, Sister Paula Souwauski.

Paula: Hugue told me this was Trinity Blood Gladiator, but you arena seems a little small.

Mari: This is not Trinity Blood Gladiator! Are you blind or something?

Leon: Get with it Paula, this is Trinity Blood Wheel of Fortune.

Mari: This brings us to our second place contestant, Leon Garcia de Asturias, who is -5,000 dinars in the hole because he keeps trying to buy vowels.

Leon: I can't understand how none of these words have vowels.

Mari: Doesn't the fact that the there is no wheel tell you something?

Leon: Yeah, you should have never got rid of it; it kind of ruins the game.

Mari: This is Jeopardy, Leon!

Leon: Oh, really…… I hate that game.

Mari: Well, now, so do I.

(Mari speaks real fast) In-last-place-with-minus-5000-points-Cain-Nightroad- let's look at the categories.

Cain: Hey, you didn't let me talk!

Mari: Yes, that was my plan; now let's look at the categories….

Cain: Isn't it cute how flustered she gets when she is around me, she is just so in love with me!

Mari: I am not!

Cain: I know all about you being president of my fan club.

Mari: The only thing I support that had you in it, is a public execution.

Cain: We all you're just trying to just cover up your true feelings.

Mari: Your right, my true feeling can't be expressed on public television.

Leon: Are we going to spin the wheel or what?

Mari: On with the game. The categories are "Potent Popes", "Ice cream favors," "It's on your face," "Shapes", "These Little Piggy's", and "Stating the Obvious"

Cain you're in last place so you go first.

Cain: Yeah r-ight, we'll just say that's why you picked me first.

Mari: Yeah, sure, whatever, just pick, okay.

Cain: I pick "Saving your Ovaries" for 400.

Mari: That not what it says, it's"Stating the Obvious."

Cain: Yes, I know it is and I know you your saving your ovaries for….

Mari: DON'T GO THERE! Just pick something else, you idiot.

Cain: Um I pick "Ice cream flavors for 200."

Mari: This flavor is made using chocolate.

Cain: Not sure, but my favorite flavor is Methuselah Blood Ripple. You can add that information to you fansite.

Mari: I don't have any fansite about you.

Cain: Yeah, right and you user name isn't osesson276.

Mari: I refuse to talk to you and I'm moving on to Leon.

Leon: I pick the "piggy" one.

Mari: This little piggy went to market went to market, this…….

Leon: What is, "rode his Harley all alone?"

Mari: What?

Leon: And you got that first line wrong. My dad use to always do this piggy thing when I was a kid.

Mari: I can't wait to hear this.

Leon:

_This little piggy was Rockstar_

_This one rode his Harley all alone_

_This little piggy went out tagging _

_This piggy saw his girlfriend 'cause her parent weren't home_

_This little piggy went to the bar and partied all night long_.

Mari: Wow, you know sometime you see something that explains so much.

Cain: Hey, if he is doing poetry I want to do a limerick.

Mari: Does it have anything to anything with a man from Nantucket.

Cain: Ummmm, maybe.

Mari: Well, I don't want to hear it.

Cain: I just made up this new one.

Mari: Okay, does this limerick have anything to do with me being in love with you?

Cain: Of coarse not.

Mari: You promise.

Cain: Yes.

Mari: Fine, say your stupid limerick.

Cain: There once was a man name Cain

Mari: Who was lame, a pain, and totally insane.

Cain: Is this your limerick or mine?

Mari: Sorry, go ahead.

_There once was a man name Cain_

_Who went on Mari's game_

_She saw his handsome face_

_Wanted to kiss him all over the place_

_Even place I can't nam—_

Mari: WHAT! You said……

Cain: I am a bloodthirsty killer; you think breaking my promise is going to bother me.

Mari: I hate you!

Cain: Boy, is she testy.

Leon: It probably her time of the month.

Mari: You gotta be kidding.

Leon: Why do you woman get like, Paula.

Paula: I don't know, I don't have them anymore.

Mari: Are you on some medication?

Paula: No, I have simply willed myself not to.

Mari: Getting back to the game, Paula it you turn.

Paula: I pick "shapes" for 500.

Mari: This shape is circular.

Paula: Let see, that is the shape left that one vampire in about three years ago. Yeah, let's see, I ripped his arms this way, his legs went this way, and I ripped his head downward…..

Mari: Will you stop it, that's so disgusting. The answer was a circle!

Paula: I still think I am right.

Mari: Thank goodness that is the sound of the buzzer and all I have to face is the final answer.

And it is……oh forget it. Just put whatever you want on there, I don't care.

Okay, I time is up and I guess I have to see what everyone put down.

Paula has made a list of all the vampire and heretics that she has ever killed and she has wagered…….. the various ways she has killed them.

Ewwww, that's just not right.

Next we have Leon who has drawn a pig partying at a bar and has wagered "I want beer."

Leon: I'm thirsty.

Now to Cain who has also drawn a picture of…………. Is that supposed to be me….. doing THAT!

Cain: Hehehe.

Mari: That's it, I had enough, you are going to get it.

Cain: That gun can't hurt me, I am a Crusnik.

Mari: It's not a gun, it's a blow dryer. I going to give you spit ends.

Cain: Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

(Mari chase after him)

Leon: Is that the end of the show.

Paula: I guess.

Leon: Want to grab a beer?

Paula: Okay.

--

Hey it has been fun, but it must come to an end. I am so swamped with work that I have to squeeze this in.

Thanks for the reviews. Love you all.


End file.
